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How YOU Doin'?

I haven't posted in here in years.

Sad, but true.

When I created this blog, I was very excited to share all my (many) opinions, thoughts and rants.

But the pressure to be brilliant, witty, thoughtful and relevant caused a deep and abiding paralysis. I. Just. Couldn't. Write.

Then, I discovered Vox.

I keep this blog so that I can check on my peeps that blog over here and make comments when so moved.

But, who knows? Maybe I will blog here occasionally. Or just repost Vox stuff.

That just seems like a lot of work....

We'll see. It's a new year. A new day. A new president. Change has come.

We'll see....

Guilt is NOT the Answer

guilt: the fact or state of having offended; criminality and consequent liability to punishment
guilty: judged to have committed a crime
[Old English, gylt, crime—French, gildan, to pay}

remorse: self-reproach excited by a sense of guilt; repentance.
remorseful: penitent; repentant.
[Latin, remordere, to bite back]

conscience: the faculty by which we know right from wrong
[Latin, conscire, to be well aware]


So many of us feel that to properly atone for something bad we’ve done or to show that we have a conscious, we need to feel guilty? Why? What is that really about?

Guilt is a manifestation of arrogance.
Guilt is the easy way out of any hard decision that we are faced with. Because we lack the courage to face the fact that we have hurt someone else or ourselves or broken relationship with a particular person or community. That we need to acknowledge what we’ve done, forgive ourselves for our transgression and resolve to do better in the future. Instead we choose to feel guilty, which is like the gerbil exercise wheel. We are exerting a lot of energy, but we really are going nowhere. It is so much easier to “beat ourselves up” about the “bad” thing that we did rather than face the consequences of our poor decisions. In this way, we feel that we are “doing something” about the bad thing we’ve done, without really doing anything at all.

To those who say guilt is important because it shows we have a conscience, I say this: we already know we have a conscience. Do you cringe when you see homeless people on the street? Are you shocked when you hear of children being sexually abused? Old people mistreated in nursing homes?

Lack of guilt does not equal lack of conscience.

I think we need to put into everyday use another word instead of guilt: remorse. This word acknowledges our hurtful action


Guilt is not our religious birthright.¹
Perhaps because of our Puritan ancestry, guilt is ingrained into our religious psyche. We make jokes of the Catholics who, we think, are governed by guilt as much as they are God. But are we Protestants any better? If we were to keep a “guilt journal,” we would be astounded by the numerous entries. I smoked a cigarette? Bad! Guilt, guilt, guilt! I lusted after someone at work. Bad! Guilt, guilt, guilt! I got drunk last night! Bad! Guilt, guilt, guilt! I gossiped about people today. Bad! Guilt, guilt, guilt!

If we put as much energy into examining our behavior as we did in drowning in a swirling pit of guilt, we would be much better for it.


Guilt as social control
Some thinkers have theorized that guilt is used as a tool of social control. Since guilty people feel they are undeserving, they are less likely to assert their rights and prerogatives. Thus, those in power seek to cultivate a sense of guilt among the populace, in order to make them more tractable.² For some of us, that has been our experience at church, at school, at work, even in our government. As we watch how these institutions use guilt to herd us like sheep, we turn away from them in anger, bitteress and frustration.

But I think we do them, and ourselves, an injustice by disengaging ourselves from these institutions. When we can, we must confront the use of guilt, in an attempt to challenge others (and ourselves) to come up with more beneficial means of resolving conflict and “crowd control.”


Guilt resolves nothing.
What does feeling guilt accomplish? Does feeling guilt bring us closer to God? I say, “no.” We already feel separate from God due to whatever behavior we have engaged in, now we compound that by draping ourselves in the heavy cloak of guilt. How we reach out to God and ask God for forgiveness and courage to resolve (if we can) what we have done when we are hidden under the suffocating garment of guilt? We cannot. God is still there, ever present, but WE are too busy caught up in the maelstrom of our own ego, oh, yes, EGO, to be able to face what we’ve done, much less ask for God’s help.

What does feeling guilt accomplish? We can satisfy ourselves, and everyone that observes us draped in our proverbial sack cloth and ashes that we are addressing our “issue,” that we are truly sorry for what we done WITHOUT ACTUALLY HAVING TO DO THE WORK.


Where does grace enter in here?
Did Jesus ever feel guilt? About getting to Lazarus’ house too late? About turning away the woman with the demon-possessed child? (crumbs for the dog)

This is one of the issues where we really see if we actually believe in what we say we believe in. Do we really believe in grace? Or do we believe in grace for everybody but ourselves? If we truly accept God’s tremendous gift of grace, we know that our mission is not to allow ourselves to become bogged down with the arrogant notion of guilt but to humbly acknowledge our poor behavior, heal/resolve it (if we can), forgive everyone involved (including ourselves) and use that as the impetus to abstain from that particular behavior. Remorse, humility, forgiveness are the keys to healing, not guilt.

Perhaps then guilt is a component of the healing process. But instead of completing the process, we become lodged in the guilt phase. Using the 5 stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) as an example, one who became “stuck” at anger would be unable to complete the healing process, looping painfully in circles, unable to complete the healing process.

In closing, I would like to say that at times I too feel guilty about things I have said or done. By my words, I am in no way trying to say that I am above feeling or using guilt at times. My hope is that as I continue to grow and change, I will use the 'easy' method of guilt less and less.

Peace.




1. Kari Jo Verhulst, “Guilt-Free Loving,” Sojourners Magazine, July-August 2002

2. http://www.wikipedia.org/

Monday was Martin Luther King Day

Monday was Martin Luther King Day, or as it is known in Utah, Human Rights Day. Monday, we remembered a man, a dream and a legacy.

I have heard it said, “the dream is fading,” “the dream is dead,” or “we need new leaders.” It all makes me very tired. The dream isn’t faded, we are jaded. The dream is not dead, we are apathetic. We don’t need new leaders, we have leaders, we just do not like or respect them. Where do we stand?

We are a nation of jaded, cynics.
We, all of us, whether you are of African descent, European descent, Christian, Jewish, male, female, middle class, affluent, are jaded. We see people doing good works and wonder, “what are they doing? What are they trying to prove?” We have all bought into that new-fangled idea that to give something, you have to get something. When we see random acts of kindness, how quickly do our cynically little minds try to calculate how that person is “getting theirs” just out of our view? We have gotten so accustomed to CEOs bilking employees of their financial futures, politicians literally getting caught with their pants down and family members violently turning against each other that we can no longer see the “senseless acts of beauty” that make a community.

We are a nation in the constant state of busy-ness.
Our lives are so busy, just living them. Where is their time in a day to work, eat, sleep, play, keep up with the laws being debated in Congress, what the mayor is doing with our tax money and keep tabs on earth friendly corporations? Sadly, there just is not. How can we ever hope to make our world a better place if it won’t stop spinning long enough for us to catch our breath? Where can we pack one more thing into our schedules?

We want our leaders to be perfect, not human.
We live in a world where our every move is documented, every spoken word is recorded. Dozens and dozens of television shows have built their entire premises showing the minutiae of someone’s life. Who could stand under that kind of microscope and not have things that we would rather be kept hidden revealed? We are not perfect followers, why should we demand perfect leaders? Posthumously, it has been proven that Dr. King had affairs. Does that negate his leadership of the Montgomery bus boycott? Does that negate the truth in his “I Have A Dream” speech?

The (Wo)man in the mirror.
I include myself in all of this. I too have become engulfed in waves of apathy, furiously running the treadmill of “life,” with little time for “all that stuff.” On top of being jaded and apathetic, I am also angry. Why do we keep electing people who only serve themselves and the small minority that financially backed their campaigns? Why do we turn on the television to watch people degrade themselves on talk shows and court shows, but turn the television off when the news begins? And what about this: I heard some young men on the news today say “why is his dream so important, what about my dream” as they stand on the corner, “dreaming” the day away, no doubt.

It is not my intention to scold us for what we have not done, but to spur us to greater works by showing how large the gaps are in our minds, our hearts, our spirits, our families, our communities, our country, our world. These gaps need to be filled, benevolent souls, filled by you and me.

Where do we go from here?
Truthfully, I have more questions than answers. Inasmuch as I would like to have a formula to change the many things that I see that sadden or anger me, in the interest of time, I’ll just be blunt: there is no easy “fix.” I cannot offer a little “to do” list where each action can be tidily checked off, leaving us all with a better sense of self and community. Maybe all I can offer you are these words scrolling on your screen. What I offer to you is what I offer to myself, which is this: find opportunities to serve others. By every act of service, we not only enrich our own hearts, minds and spirits, we encourage others to do the same. There is always time for service, be it opening a door for someone laden with packages or just listening, really listening to another person’s story, be them friend or stranger.

We can learn to give—our time, our money, our lives—with no thought of return, we can learn to be still—if only for a moment while the car is warming up—without fear that our lives will totally unravel if we are not always “on task,” we can learn to accept our brothers and sisters—as we wish to be accepted—as whole people, not as one-dimensional icons.

I can offer one concrete suggestion: go to the website for The King Center. The King Center is the organization and memorial started by Coretta Scott King celebrating and extending the legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Through the Beloved Community Network, there are many tangible ways to get involved in service projects, even in small ways. No act is too small if it helps another soul. We would do well to remember that.


Peace.




“If you want to be important—wonderful. If you want to be recognized—wonderful. If you want to be great—wonderful. But recognize that he who is greatest among you shall be your servant. That's a new definition of greatness.

And this morning, the thing that I like about it: by giving that definition of greatness, it means that everybody can be great, because everybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and your verb agree to serve. You don't have to know about Plato and Aristotle to serve. You don't have to know Einstein's theory of relativity to serve. You don't have to know the second theory of thermodynamics in physics to serve. You only need a heart full of grace, a soul generated by love. And you can be that servant.” -- Martin Luther King, “The Drum Major Instinct,” February 4, 1968.

Hello, Hello, HELLO

First of all I must thank the lovely and talented Britomart for getting this blog set up! ::bows down::

I wish I could write something witty and charming for my inaugural message, but I am sick. Literally! As soon as my hot water bottle is ready, I'm going to bed. I've got sinus congestion and a sore throat. To bed, to bed!